The Pink Pineapple: Proof That We've Officially Lost the Plot
Okay, so now pineapples are pink? Seriously? Is this what we're supposed to be excited about? Some genetically-modified fruit that costs more than my freakin' rent? Give me a break.
They're calling it a "trend," a "must-try novelty." I call it peak absurdity. Like, we've solved all the world's problems, right? Climate change is handled, poverty eradicated, and now we can focus on...pink pineapples. This is the kind of crap that makes me want to move to a cabin in the woods and never look at the internet again.
Pink Pineapples: Proof We've Officially Lost the Plot?
Lycopene Lies and Instagram Lives The article says the pink color comes from lycopene, the same stuff that makes tomatoes red. Apparently, some "scientists" (and I use that term loosely) messed with the pineapple's DNA to keep it pink. They "turned off the enzyme," or something. Sounds totally natural, right? I'm just saying...are we *sure* this is safe? They tell us it is, ofcourse, but they also told us cigarettes were good for us once. And don't even get me started on all the other "safe" chemicals we're ingesting every day. And the reason? So it can be "Instagram-worthy." So some influencer can take a picture of it and rake in the likes. So we can all feel inadequate because we're not eating $50 pineapples. It's all so transparently vapid.Pink Pineapples: Exclusivity or Just Exploitation?
The Price of Pink: Exclusivity and Exploitation "Only limited batches are produced," the article says, "and each fruit is often shipped without its crown to prevent replanting, keeping it exclusive." Translation: we're artificially limiting supply to jack up the price and make you feel special for buying one. It's the diamond industry all over again. And who's growing these things? Under "carefully controlled conditions" in "select tropical farms." Translation: probably some underpaid workers toiling away in the sun so rich people can feel good about their pink pineapple selfies. I bet Benny Blanco didn't think about *that* when he was raving about the "incredible" taste. Honestly, I'm starting to feel like I'm taking crazy pills here. Am I the only one who sees how ridiculous this is? Maybe I'm just getting old. I remember when pineapples were just yellow, and we were happy with it.Pink Pineapple: Health Food or Instagram Bait?
The Health Halo: Another Marketing Ploy Oh, and of course, it's got "health benefits." Vitamin C, antioxidants, aids digestion. It's like they're running down a checklist of buzzwords. I'm sure it's *fine* for you, but let's be real: nobody's buying a pink pineapple for the vitamin C. They're buying it for the clout. What's next? Blue bananas? Rainbow-colored kale? I swear, if I see another genetically-modified food trend designed to separate fools from their money, I'm going to scream. I'm Officially Done With This Planet